Sitting with MySelf

In August I return to Phoenix Rising Yoga Therapy (PRYT) school in Bristol, Vermont for the onsite portion of Group Facilitator Training (GFT). Here I will be supported in applying and refining relevant skills to support a focus group through an 8-week program of group yoga therapy this fall and beyond. GFT is a career building step.

This past week the training members of GFT embarked on an 8-week program to prepare us for our onsite training. The same program that we will be leading for others, we must participate in and complete before arriving in Vermont. The program is based upon themes and includes daily physical movement, mindfulness exercises and journaling. Having been engaged with PRYT since January 2015, I know that this daily practice is a potential field of gold for learning more about my Self and the Way, the connections available to me and the glorious life that is here awaiting my participation.

I don't enter my daily practices with great expectation. In truth, the magic is in the subtleties, the often unseen, overlooked, numbed out nuances of day to day living that hold SO much treasure!  Some days I show up willing, others resistant. This is truth in daily living and I want to be authentic in my practice just as I intend to be authentic in my life. It reminds me of seeing a counselor for support. If you aren't willing to be honest, you won't get accurate guidance. So even when I don't want to and my attitude is shitty, I come.

This morning my practice and mindful inquiry revealed that while I do a pretty good job of listening and honoring my physical body, I am not so tuned in to the truth of my emotional body. I hear it and feel it, but, habitually, I buy into it and get so caught up and carried away in the e-motion, that the story-telling begins and the next thing I know, I'm on a train to nowhere, having consented to an unintended journey. By turning away from the truth behind the feeling and towards the feeling itself I latch on like a scared little girl who lacks direction and off I go - holding on to fear, anger and frustration. Then come out the shields and swords, for I'm ready for war - one that I have conjured and imagined. One that creates more separation than union. One that isn't real.

What if instead, I stayed? What if I acknowledged the feeling, considered the source, stayed calm, chose inaction (for the moment) and got to know more about why and how this feeling showed up? Would it be like a lamp on a dark path, illuminating the way and the choices that are available to me to navigate my way out of an unfamiliar, dark place to a comfortable, spacious one? Here in this place, I am whole. I am home. I am safe, loved and disarmed.

Today I will notice my feelings, the emotions behind them. I'll stay, set up a table for two, engage in lite but intentional conversation and listen for truth. Maybe I'll act upon truth. Maybe knowing is enough.