My Body tells the story of My Life.

My body tells the story of my life. Five years ago I finally acknowledged the communication coming from my body and since then have been tuning in more frequently and willingly. 

The longing within to be witnessed cannot be forever repressed (for any of us) without causing dis-ease. Being a health advocate and coach for others, how could I continue this way? I sure as hell tried, but when I started yoga therapy training I made an unknown agreement to hear the longing. So I have been working on my ambivalence, attempting to lay aside my discomfort in listening.

Healing is a journey and the only way out of the discomfort is through. I, as many of you reading, have developed a whole bunch of strategies and stories to ignore and distract myself from discomfort (suppressed truth). What I know now is that the feelings of my body are my teacher. And interestingly, it's far more uncomfortable to live out of alignment than in, physically and metaphorically.

In my chest I often feel sensations of anxiety. In my belly there is a dark rock of sadness that is about the size of my two hands clasped together. I don't identify with them as who I am, so even though they are pretty constant companions, I very rarely put on their nametags. It's incredibly uncomfortable to 'be that'. When I do, I'm usually alone or with a trusted and beloved friend or therapist. This morning I gave myself a yoga therapy session so that these parts of me could be witnessed => seen and heard.

Lately I find myself constricted in the abdomen. Holding? Protecting? Trying to look skinny because the world hates fat? (Such crap.) I'm not sure. It's a habitual contraction so who knows how long its been there. I found it because I noticed it was restricting my diaphragm from moving freely when I breathe, which is also one of the causes of my anxiety. Now when I notice it, I experiment with releasing the tension to see how it changes my experience in the moment. Sometimes I take a deep breath into the space that it frees up. Often, a few moments later when I've mentally moved off somewhere else and then remember to focus again, the holding is back.

There is also strength in my body. I see it in the musculature of my arms and thighs. I feel it when I exercise, particularly in planks and when I'm walking uphill and doing dead lifts. I prefer strength training to cardiovascular training. There's something about the intense beating of my heart that has a fragile tipping point from feeling healthy to feeling frightening and overwhelming. Perhaps it's too much like anxiety.

It feels good to feel strong but it takes a lot of effort. It is interesting that my sense of strength is physical but I don't often feel it in the psycho-emotional realm of who I am. My independence and achievements in life have often garnered "praise" of strength from others. But that's not what it feels like to me. What I am noticing of late is that I am gaining strength in spirit from being truthful and living more authentically. 

Revealing truth can feel tender and vulnerable. Vulnerability is such a powerful sensation! Also a tipping point I think. Without it, we cannot be real. With it comes fear of judgment, shame, guilt, ... all those uncomfortable sensations that make us feel less than. "Less than" holds hands with fear of rejection and feeling unlovable and unworthy. Ick. Who wants that? But in reality, all of it makes up who I am, and I really don't want to reject any of those parts, otherwise, I'd be somebody else. And really, deep down, I love ME.

And about expectations, ugh! How many YEARS, DECADES, have been wasted trying to meet the expectations of others? Particularly those whose opinions matter most. Today, while I feel the grip of expectations loosely, it still pisses me off that they even have a hold at all. I call bullshit on them all the time, and yet, they persist. I think its just another layer of the unfolding of my story. If I continue to do the work of befriending what I'm feeling and sensing, eventually expectations will find another host, and another layer will be revealed for my self-study.

Yep, the work of peeling the onion only ends when we die. (Or does it?)

There's a family living within my body: hope, joy, shame, doubt, uncertainty, anxiety, fear, worry, confidence, love, and many others. There is also a 17 year old who keeps getting shoved to the inside, window seat of the bus. She's about midway back, on the left as you look back. Each time one of the passengers sharing her seat gets up, she slides over anticipating making it to the aisle and eventually being able to stand up and walk forward. For years, she's been getting pushed back over to the window. She's quiet. Doesn't feel empowered to take the aisle or speak up and ask for her turn to be seen and heard. When she does, she's going to ask the driver to pullover, stop the bus, turn off the ignition, and turn around and listen. Then she'll turn to the back of the bus and face the rest of the family and begin speaking from her heart. They'll recognize her because they share the same heart, which will be POUNDING OUT OF HER CHEST because she has for so long been patient and afraid, waiting for her turn, waiting to be asked how she feels, what she needs. To be validated. But on this day, the waiting will end and she will make her turn, and they will listen because she speaks for all of them.

This morning she scooted over to the aisle end of the seat. One hand is on the seat in front her, to bolster her when she stands up to stop the bus. The other is over her RACING heart. She's fucking scared! And yet, she KNOWS that liberation is on the other side of the fear.

For now though, she's riding until she knows the time is right. Her mantra "I am worthy" is like fuel in the tank of courage, which by the way, is also holding hands with vulnerability. Once the tank is full, she'll take a deep breath, stand up, and never sit back down in that seat again.

In the spirit of connection and healing~
YL

Coming Home to Health, Well Being, & One Another

My morning reading was about Thai yoga. A book recommended by my teacher. One of the topics covered as it relates to the history of Thai Yoga is the difference between the Western and Eastern approaches to health.

In some other medical systems and cultures a person's health is viewed as a balance of energy. Illness is approached as an imbalance, and treatment is intended upon re-balancing energy and supporting the body's ability to heal by supporting life force (prana, chi, qi), via methods that enhance energy flow. The body is seen as an interdependent collective of connections and healing is approached from a holistic viewpoint: physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual. In other words, your body and your health is more than organs and tissues.

Current research in our medical system is beginning to recognize this. Lifestyle choices hold more influence on health and well being than genetics and many of the more successful health programs are combining practitioners and approaches to offer more comprehensive support to their clients and patients. Just Google "Functional and Integrative medicine" to see the many ways that lifestyle, mental, and spiritual health are being addressed in health care. Researchers and authors like Tom Myers of Anatomy Trains and Gil Hedley (check out his Fuzz Speech on YouTube) and many others are confirming soft tissue connections that help explain why a neck massage might ease hamstring pain, or why a foot treatment can help resolve digestive issues. Similarly, research in neuroscience and somatics is teaching us how emotional pain and duress can be linked to cardiovascular health and disease and how meditation and body-based therapies can aid the resolution and healing of trauma.

I share this as a means of working through a long-felt inner knowing that there is something more when it comes to exercise, nutritional habits, relationships, health and well being. This inner knowing has had me chasing all sorts of methods and approaches when it comes to health and wellness but this morning as I read I felt a sense of coming home. I recognized how the eastern approach to health is one that I can wholeheartedly stand behind and integrate with my education and experience as a practitioner who offers health supportive services. I wouldn't say this realization is new, but the shift that I feel is one that is freeing me of feeling cautious or apologetic and sometimes even fearful when I suggest or utilize an approach that seems counter to our current system of health in the United States. Thai yoga is the example I began with, so, I'll continue. Thai yoga is often referred to as "massage". Because I'm not licensed to touch in the US, I cannot use that term to describe Thai yoga body treatments. That's okay, because, in my opinion, "massage" is an oversimplified description of the method and the intent of Thai yoga. Yet, I'm hearing of states who are mandating a cease and desist to Thai yoga practitioners while their massage board "sorts it out". In the mean time, practitioners are prevented from offering this healing art of touch and individuals are prevented from the potential benefit of a practice that might seem unusual for our medical system but is very much a part of others. Touch is absolutely essential to optimal health and well being. As a culture we've become so out of harmony with the intent and importance of touch that some become easily offended if a 'stranger' happens to brush against them unintentionally. (Please do not misconstrue my support and promotion of touch to discount the many ways that people have been hurt through touch. I am simply visiting one aspect of touch in regards to my topic. As a practitioner I believe in asking for permission to touch and informing clients of the services that I offer that include touch. When I place my hands on a person's body, I am honored to be in such profound relationship with them. I begin with an intention of sensitivity, awareness, and loving-kindness.) 

My invitation to those reading this is related to examining the rejection that is sometimes not so subtle when it comes to approaches or practices that aren't the 'norm' and how aligning ourselves with one way of doing things or one belief system is limiting our opportunities for health and healing in all realms: physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually, socially, and globally. 

What would it be like to look, listen, or experience another way, just for the opportunity to learn more and connect more deeply with yourself and others?

With intention of love and wellness~
Yvette

• Read more about Chinese Medicine.
• Read about India's approach to health, Ayurveda, from acquaintance Jessica Vellela, the first American-born woman to become a licensed Ayurvedic Physician and practice Ayurvedic Medicine independently in India.
• Read more about touch

I remember noticing one Sunday in early fall 2011 that I was 'too much in my head' and needed to get out ...(and onto a motorcycle). 

For me, movement creates flow - it helps break up the dams that are causing me to feel stuck, anxious, fearful, (choose your metaphor) and it often reveals solutions or new pathways that feel like they were there all along. (This is probably why I have loved exercise and yoga (and motorcycling) for so long.) 
At that time I just couldn't see the path for all of the 'thinking' I was doing but I could feel the 'stuckness'.

With attention to body sensations, I now know when it's time to move - whether that be physically in a day or metaphorically in my life.

This is how Phoenix Rising Yoga Therapy works... with attention to the physical body, there is an entry way into the soul - that inner wisdom that knows what is best and true. 

We all have this ability but the world we live in, full of distractions and chaos, makes it challenging to hear. Sometimes support is needed and this is where a yoga therapy session may prove useful.

I DO the work by engaging in monthly sessions for mySelf and I offer the support to others.
Body listening for Life change.

I didn't want to leave. 

Lately I've been starting my days out on the deck, moving, meditating, reading, journaling. This morning I was called to get off the deck, into the wet grass. I practiced an exercise that invited me to notice the connection (me) between earth and sky. They join at my heart. 

I was reminded that within me is where soul and spirit meet. 

I didn't have enough time to take-in the magnificence of that notion adequately. 

But the yard is there every morning, so I will spend more time in the days that come.

These days that I walk the world are the days that I leave my mark on the world. 

My intention is that it be one of healing ~ for myself and others, for generations behind and before me and the ones living in me. 

Too many of us are moving about unaware. I think that is why the world is hurting so much.

Find a way to connect today. Foot to earth, hand to heart, eye to eye - just pick something and remember that we belong to each other. 

If that feels tough, just start with you, remembering the meeting place inside you. ♥

What a joy - to live in a body that feels good!

I take this for granted too often and lately, as I am witness to the changes my body is experiencing due to time on this earth and day-to-day choices, it seems I only notice 'when it hurts'. Today, I promise myself to pay attention regularly, to notice the highs and the lows and particularly how my lifestyle choices contribute to that dynamic.

I have a colleague who started keeping 3 journals - one for her psycho-emotional health, one as a food diary, and another related to her menstrual cycle and related symptoms. Sounds exhausting to me, I can barely keep one journal up to date! But, through this practice of regularly recording, she was able to distinguish how various foods influenced her mood and the experience of her cycle and now she adjusts her diet to support her body and her mind as the days come and go.

Recently, I had a client who realized that what she thought was happening 'to' her body due to her illness - something that she has limited control over, might be due to the stagnant and repetitive patterns she was holding physically and emotionally since being diagnosed with her illness.

Can you imagine? Feeling defeated because you thought your body had been permanently 'limited' and then realizing that you actually had the ability to live the life you've been longing for all this time?

This lyric from the Eagles often comes to mind when I contemplate such things ~ "So often times it happens that we live our lives in chains and we never even know we have the key."

What's the key? In my experience and witnessing of myself and others I think that movement and mindfulness are KEY to optimal health and well-being. When we apply consistent movement in the name of love for our body and intentional attention to what we eat, say, think, and do (and the list goes on) and notice how these lifestyle dynamics affect our physical, psycho-emotional, and social health... we have a key that unlocks the door to intimate self-discovery and empowerment.

The joy on my client's face when she realized that her destiny is not to be imprisoned by her illness unlocked doors in her body and in her mind. That freedom was expressed with a light and lifted face, open arms, and a graceful float out the door of the studio back into her life.

What will you do today to support your best health and well-being?

Holding Space

Last week (early March) I was in Bristol, Vermont at the school of Phoenix Rising Yoga Therapy acting in the role of mentor and practitioner. 

Being onsite and immersed in training and practice is rich, regardless of the course or my role in it. I come away injected with more insight into the work, more skills to support me as a practitioner (which then enables me to better support clients) and a personal fullness of being that comes from living in community with others who are uniquely skilled in holding space.

What does this mean - ‘holding space’? 

In short, offering your undivided, open, non-judgemental, active-listening, attention to another or others. Not just hearing with your ears, but seeing your eyes, and feeling with your body. Mindfully engaging with the intention of not getting in the way.

Holding space isn’t a norm in our society. We are often too engrossed in our own ‘stuff’ and our reactions to what the other person is sharing (in sound, sight and emotion) to truly pay attention to them. We are ready to react; to offer advice, to defend, judge, change, or deny.

Have you ever attempted to share something deeply meaningful to you, with someone whom you trust and walked away from the conversation not feeling heard, understood or gotten because the other person was so caught up in their own reaction to what you shared? Or maybe you can recall a time (or ten) when this has been you, not listening to another.

Holding space is a practice. Those of us lucky enough to have been raised in an environment that held space know this as a way of interacting with others, but this doesn’t seem to be the norm. So we must practice … just listening ... to another.

Holding space is a key element of Phoenix Rising Yoga Therapy. It happens in 1-on-1, confidential sessions of movement, mindfulness, and dialog centered on the client and supported by the practitioner.

If you do not feel ‘heard’ or simply need someone to hold space for you as you explore a particular life event or decision, or some emotion or situation that you feel ‘stuck’ in, schedule a series of sessions and notice the difference it can make in your life.

As I re-enter the day-to-day dynamics of my life this coming week, I do so feeling more grounded and purposeful in the life I am creating. The gifts of acceptance and affirmation from my fellow practitioners offered me the space to get even more honest and clear about who I am and what I want and how I want to be, including refining my ability to hold space for others.

~Yvette

...is the way you've always done things still serving your best life?

I've enjoyed intense, 'typical' exercise most of my adult life. It's been a stress reliever and contributed to my overall happiness. Genetically, resistance training with a bit of cardio is what is 'right' for me (proven with a genetic test). I'm much more drawn to a weight room than a marathon.

For many more months than I wish to admit I have been in pain that is progressing and limiting me in both stationary positions and when moving. Being an active person, this isn't cool. It's affecting my sense of health and well-being because it is limiting my yoga practice, workouts and ability to sit comfortably. 

Being holistically minded in my health approach, I have been trying body-based approaches to healing - massage, chiropractic, fascial release, physical therapy, and also consideration of my nutritional choices. Of late I have come to suspect a connective tissue disorder of some type so I've been marginally exploring other methodologies.

In another aspect of my life I have recently become interested in non-linear movement patterns - too much to get into, but as it relates to my pain... I believe that linear, repetitive positions and movements are hurting me. Status quo when it comes to yoga, 'exercise', etc... isn't enough for me anymore. It's limiting the overall benefit that movement can bring to my life - one that goes beyond a lean, strong body but also enhances an open heart and settled mind. In short, I want feel good.

This morning I spent more than an hour exploring a particular type of somatic movement - I feel so much better than I did when I went to bed last night and woke up this morning. So much so that I sent a message to one of the practitioners to say 'thank you'...and looked into training in this particular modality. I plan to commit to one particular session regularly for 2 weeks and see what happens to this long standing, progressive pain. 

I want and intend to feel good in my life - physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually and as I've alluded above...these aspects aren't mutually exclusive. They are connected, which is why it is important to me to feel healthy and balanced in my physical body. The recognition of linear movement has me wondering about linear thinking...I'm curious if I have blinders on and if that's limiting my self-awareness and personal growth in some way.

All of this to pose the question for you...is the way you've always done things still serving your best life? What would it be like to explore another way of doing, thinking, heck....maybe even believing? An exploration of new ideas, ways of being, movement patterns, nutritional choices, communicating - the opportunities are endless!

Pick one and give it a try...
Let me know how it goes.

~Y